I'm sitting outside watching Aryiana and Aiden play. The joythey get from the simplest things is beautiful. I wish I could go back for one dayof childhood bliss. No worrying about what can't be paid or how dinner is going to happen, just unobstrcuted true happiness. I know its achievable for some people as an adult but I can honestly say those adults probably don't live this life. Aside from the gigantic pile of bills that greetsme everyday my truck has decide its about time something went wrong again. Now a little something about my truck, its never anything little. In 9 months the transmission blew, the radiator cracked, the entire brake system went and now the steering is festering on the edge along with the rear brakes and ABS again. Top it off with a beautiful crack half the length of the windshield and you have my explorer. Lovely isn't it? I can't even say at leastshe gets me safely from A to B because frankly its by miracle alone that she keeps recovering from the insane shaking that's impossible to control after we go over the tiniest bump in the road. So if I happen to find the devil in the form of a lottery machine I might just sell my soul foe a big win....

I wish life came equipped with a rewind button...

Sometimes I wonder...

If there are other moms out there who have crappy mom days. Because I sure do and it makes me feel absolutely terrible. I feel like I always see these super moms who are always perfectly put together, smiling and have not a care in the world. That is just not me. My hair & make up are done 1% of the time, its about the same with my outfits which usually consist of jeans or shorts with a sweatshirt, tee or tank depending on the temperature, you can usually catch me with chipping nail polish and basically an overall frazzled look. Sometimes I'm just downright miserable when I sit back and take a look at my life. Not too pretty, but that is the truth. I find myself thinking back to my pre-kid days and missing the freedom. Don't get me wrong, I love my children with all of my being. I make sure when they see me they see a smile. Just sometimes I can't help feeling that way.... anyone else?

Some Women

I really dread the day my kids are ready for grammar school. I don't want to have to deal with the bitchy moms. I swear moms are worse than kids. I had a woman in LINE at the grocery store ask me if I was "really going to feed that to my kids" talking about chicken tenders and some little pasta side that they love. The look of disgust on her face was appalling! Hell lady, sorry I can't run out and buy your Soy, organic, natural, green what the hell ever food!! My kids are eating, they're happy and they're healthy. So I might not be spending hundreds of dollars on their meals but I'm doing something right I think. Another one .... I have a little sister who is 8. (Yes, I'm 27 and yes I said she's 8 lol) She is in 2nd grade and some of the other little girls in her class are (and I hate to say it) spoiled little monsters! She had a birthday party in April and the things that came out of their mouths were so obnoxious and nasty I was floored. They talk about things I certainly wasn't talking about at 8 and talk & act like they world should stop spinning for them. So to make this short when it has the potential to be ridiculously long - Nicole (my sister) was in a girl scout group with these girls and of course there were moms involved. After putting up with the cattiness of the mothers and the freshness from some of the girls my step-mom AND Nicole decided they were not enjoying or getting the most out of Girl Scouts in the troop. They branched off and now work on projects for badges together and have their own troop. Nicole's interest in girls scouts has quadrupled and she's constantly showing me her new badges. One mother found it her place to send an email to my step-mom to let her know that she was ruining Nicole's life by pulling her out of the troop along with a whole bunch of other ridiculous nasty crap. Seriously? I mean come on. This woman obviously decided she wanted to be a high school bimbo forever. Nicole goes to birthday parties, plays with friends and everything else little girls should do growing up. She also speaks politely and has no problem sitting down to read a book without someone prying her away from the TV or an electronic device. She respects her elders, herself and other children. So again....the problem here stemmed from a mom. Is it really that hard for moms not to be snobby bitches? I'm dreading having to deal with them, especially the ones with money because I already get the looks when I pull up to the park in my 12 year old car and pull out my WalMart diaper bag. Ugh.... had to rage about that!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

I'm still trying to come up with a design for this blog that sticks. Obviously today I'm going with a journal entry kind of thing. Mornings in my house are NOT fun. At all. I'm not sure I really introduced my other half. His name is Kyle. We've been together for 4 years and he is the father of my kids. More on our relationship another day.... back to mornings. He does NOT like to be bothered when he's sleeping nor does he like to get up in the morning. Now I can't say I'm one of those people that hops right up and out of bed when the alarm goes off. Far from it actually. For some reason I set my alarm way too early and end up hitting the snooze button 500+ times. This starts Kyle's aggravation meter right off the bat. By the time I actually do get up he's yelled about shutting the "damn thing off" a decent number of times. When I finally get up its usually with not a lot of time left to spare before we have to be out the door. Sometimes literally 15 minutes. Now that's 15 minutes to get 2 toddlers & 2 adults up and dressed, 2 dogs out & fed, 2 cats fed, everything we need for the day gathered and ready to go and all with 2 grumpy parents and 2 still half sleeping toddlers. I grab cups, breakfast, coffee, phones, kindles & whatever else and we're out the door. Now thankfully I've been doing much better getting up earlier so I usually have at least 40 minutes to get everything and everyone situated. Forgetting anything is a huge no, no though because regardless of how much time we have, we still end up leaving JUST in time and turning around is absolutely not an option. I really despise mornings. And I get pretty aggravated that Kyle will lay there until I'm up dressed and have the kids up and dressed and he thinks there's nothing left to do but get up and go. Except there is other stuff to do and by the time he's up there's no time left. Is it too much to ask for a little teamwork in the morning? Why can't he set his own alarm or get up when mine goes off once and a while? Now don't get me wrong, he's a great dad and SUPER helpful (diapers, playing, watching etc.) during the DAY and at night. But mornings are when we really need to be working as a team. I'm trying to make some AM changes, and everytime I mention it to him it turns into WW3. I'm the mom so apparently its my duty to get everything ready so he can just get up, get dressed and go. UGH. son of *&^%$, m*&%$#f&#$@^!!! I feel like screaming about it. Anyone else not a morning person or deal with this kind of craziness in the mornings? Please tell me all about it. Today's pretty uneventful so far. I have this one debt collector bugging the hell out of me though. My cell phone starts ringing at 7 AM and rings literally once every 15 minutes straight thru until 9 o'clock at night. I've even spoken to them a handful of times and they've called repeatedly the same day! I cannot wait for the day I can pay things again and not have to be bothered!! I need a day o myself I think...... oh sure laugh, a girl can dream can't she? =]

Pt. 2

Okay I'm back! Sorry for that guys, I didn't realize it was time for the kids to get to daycare! Right now I have them in a wonderful daycare where the woman who owns it has known my family for a very long time and has graciously taken the munchkins in free of charge until I am in a better position. I really don't know what I would do without her help but that's a story for another day! Soooo.... let me look back real quick to see where I left off...alright so I left off with the whole bills surpassing my income.... pretty depressing huh? I can imagine that there are a lot of you in the same position or even worse. I try really hard every day not to get discouraged but honestly, I don't do a great job at it. =/ I've been trying to make these "super duty" life changes and I succeed for about 15 minutes. The whole don't feel angry if you don't want to feel angry thing just does not work for me. My emotions kick my ass & call the shots. I'll grab a hold of them sooner or later. Everyone in my family turned out to be pretty damn successful and for the most part they're all pretty well off. I find myself dwelling on that more and more lately and I need to stop. I'm driving myself crazy with all these ideas to make money and become successful. Some of them are so far fetched I've had to literally shake myself out of it! Ugh .... another interruption.... I guess that's enough of an intro its pretty damn boring as it is. I'll be back with the good stuff so stay tuned =] and to all the other moms out there that can relate - keep your heads up & keep on truckin =] xoxo

Real reality tv...errr, blog

The blog title says it all. I'm a mom and lower class. Does this make me an worse a mom? Absolutely not. Does this make things a little more difficult? Absolutely. I have two beautiful children, Aryiana-3 & Aiden-2. They light up my life every minute of everyday even when they're driving me completely crazy! This blog is for me to vent about anything and everything and to provide a place for other moms in the same position to come and relate. A little background about me... I'm 27, born and raised in Jersey in a mid to upper class home. I have 2 wonderfully successful younger brothers with whom I have great relationships. They have stuck by my side through some pretty rough times and I love them more for it each day. My parents divorced when I was 4, I don't really remember too much about it. All I do remember is some fighting and being confused as to where my mom went. My dad ended up with custody so we had visitation with my mom. My dad gave us a wonderful childhood, we never went without, took summer vacations to Cape May, NJ every year, had great holidays and all that good stuff. We were raised to understand that you had to work for what you wanted and that nothing in life was free. It wasn't crammed into our heads in a negative way, my dad taught us how to be responsible and hardworking and for the most part it paid off. We had strong family ties with our entire extended family and still do. My parents were always super supportive, loving and disciplined us when we needed it. I really can't complain about anything in my childhood or with the way my dad raised us. Looking back, he did an awesome job. Somewhere along the line though, I got stupid. Really, really stupid. I don't really know exactly why but that's what got me where I am today. So now that you have a mini background I'll give you my current life situation. I live in a tiny little town in eastern PA. Its a little backwoods but it works. My house is a one bedroom on a nice double lot. My car is a 2000 Ford Explorer, which is unfortunately a gas guzzling V8. Don't get me wrong, regardless of the flaws I am extremely thankful to have a house and a car! I work for my dad for $10 per hour, I have to earn my place there just like I would anywhere else. Right now my bills greatly surpass my income and I'm not doing a very good job budgeting at all..... I actually have to unexpectedly jet so I'll leave off there and finish up later tonight! Welcome and thanks for reading!